From Red Carpet to Burka: My Journey of Transformation
Over 2 years ago, my favorite TV show, The Conversation, produced by Demi Moore and hosted by Amanda de Cadenet, invited me to share my experience as an actress and new mom moving from Hollywood to Arabia.
I wrote about loss of identity, loneliness, depression and the gift of traveling within.
I knew that something within me had been broken, displaced, shattered. But secretly, I'd wake up every day, waiting for the rubble of my inner demolish-ment to be cleared, dumped into the sea and forgotten about forever and ever.
I honestly thought that this demolition of who I knew myself to be would pass like a sour wave and leave me with a clear shore of happiness and carefree-ness to strut on. That everything would be back to normal again and this episode would be behind me.
As I write today, I know it wasn't an episode. It was a major life transition. A breakdown that would, at some point, inevitably, hopefully, lead to a breakthrough.
The deconstruction and reconstruction of the self were never meant to be clean-cut, organized into compact, airtight packages, nicely stored and fit on a shelf. Life is not The Home Depot.
For a woman who has always been in control, whether through my intellect, looks, social status or career, I suddenly panicked at the less than pristine condition I had gotten myself into. Overnight, I was a newly depressed, stay-at-home mom trapped in a compound in Arabia without my glamorous career, friends or clothes.
Shocked and ashamed, every day I fought with myself, looking for a way to clean this stinky mess I was in as if it were a bad diarrhea I could wipe, freshen up and dress up so I could hurry and present my perfect self to the world again.
I was trying to save face and maintain control over the ultimate wild, untamable beast: the human soul and its call to transform.
Since I have written that guest post, I have seen myself transform from an anxious, career-obsessed, beauty-addicted multi-tasker who was ruled by a jam-packed schedule and how others perceived her, to a much more authentic woman who is finally understanding that joy, fulfillment and harmony don't come from control, resistance and status but rather from slowing down, shutting out all the noise and doing the deep inner work of discovering who she truly is and what she truly wants.
In the process, massive shifts starting happening in all areas of my life.
Creativity blossomed. Adventures called. Pleasure deepened. Synchronistic connections sparked. Joy expanded. Life purpose started taking shape.
What inner journey are YOU on? What is YOUR call to transformation telling you? Are you listening or running away from it?
In the comments below, share how you are being called to change and transform. I’d love to know.
Welcome to my journey of transformation. I hope you’ll let me join you on yours.